Regression is a terrible thing in most cases. When people regress it usually has to do with something they’ve moved forward with on a significant level. Or something they’ve conquered and overcome. But sometimes regression is just a circle.
Have you ever stopped to think that maybe you’re not moving forward at all? It’s possible you’re just playing ring-around-the-rosie with yourself and you’re just going to eventually end up right back where you were. That’s not regression, that disillusion. You were alluded to the fact that you were making forward progress, only to find out that life isn’t actually linear like all those scientists say. It’s a fucking loop. A paradox.
It’s been three years since I’ve gotten off that boat. Three years since I’ve sent foot on a ship and gone anywhere even near the open ocean. It was hell there, one of those worst times of my life. I wouldn’t go back and do it if you paid me. I’d do it again for free.
All of those thing that I worried about, the crime, the traffic, the hustle and bustle of city living, it was all true. Every bit of it. This city has more chaos than I have ever experienced.
I have started taking the train to lessen the stress however. It is kind of nice, almost nostalgic to Japan, almost.
Racing to catch the next train, due in just under a minute. Knowing that if I miss this one I’m going to be exactly 7 minutes late to work, again. But that snooze button always gets the best of me. That extra 5 minutes of shut eye turns into waking up 10 minutes past my leave time. The frantic rush to find clean clothes but usually settling on yesterdays jeans that I snuck downstairs to find while still only half dressed. The imperative frosted windshield that takes 10 minutes to clear. The non-existent coffee that I forgot to pre set the night before. And finally, the pre-dawn drive to the station, to park 5 stories up in a building where the elevator is usually out of service, and a walk of a hundred murders of crow dancing above my head as I pray to avoid their darts of white feeces raining down around me.
Pure fucking chaos.